I’m always fascinated to hear how other people got involved with this online playground of financial fetish. Our personal experiences are what base our perspectives & opinions on the scene~ how we work it and how it works for us.
I did realtime domination for many many years before I came online~ not by choice~ it was just circumstance, as there was no other choice in the late 80′s/early 90′s. You explored your kinks with other people in person, face to face, hand to flesh, because that’s all there was and we never thought twice about it. I’ve worked as a Pro Domme in dungeons, a Hostess Domme in bdsm nightclubs, had personal slaves who were used for manual labor, and I’ve had sex slaves of both the male and female variety.
I don’t claim to be an expert, I’m just a woman who does whatever I want and I happen to be lustful and perverted and willing to take chances to make my urges come to life. These experiences are what shaped my point of view on how I present myself and interact with others in the online fetish scene. I’ve been “online” since 2007, only a few years, a small blip in my life’s timeline, but it’s been a huge experience. Sometimes an overwhelming one. It’s very difficult for me to imagine engaging in a virtual fetish experience with a sub without my having the background that I do. It’s no wonder so many newbies flail and fail. It’s like being sent to war without weapons and proper training.
I saw a quote online that said it’s much easier to be a FinDomme than a sugarbaby, because it’s less work to be a Domme. I have zero experience as a sugarbaby (again, not by choice, but simply because it’s just something I never considered~ perhaps if I went back in time, I may have tried this, too), so I don’t know if it’s hard work, or not, but I do know that is is, in fact, quite a bit of “work” to be an online Financial Dominatrix. MUCH more work than it is to be one in “real life”, so I found that statement quite disturbing.
Online you are competing with other FinDommes 24-7 all over the world with new ones popping up every second. By competing, I don’t mean literally “in a contest with”, but more so, competing to be seen, assuming your goal is to gain slaves and/or wealth. I like using a cocktail party as a metaphor for socializing on the internet. If you are at a cocktail party in real life, you are perhaps in a group of 10-30 people, right? Provided you are not a wallflower, it should be easy to talk to everyone at the party, make some contacts, and perhaps bring someone home for the night. Well, add a few thousand (?) to that total for the online party.. .lol, see what I mean?
So, how do you stand out? You may be the most interesting , the most dominant, the prettiest, the meanest, the sweetest, the sexiest, etc etc, but if your online voice isn’t loud enough, no one will hear you and if the men can’t hear your siren’s call, how will they know to lay gifts at your feet?
You have to market yourself. You have to advertise, you have to socialize. These things cost money and time and follow the simple rule of: “You get out what you put in”. This is work, but for a lot of us, it’s a labor of love. You also have to learn how to not waste your own time. I see a lot of women complain about wankers wasting their time. I’m a firm believer that no one can waste your time if you don’t give it to them in the first place. This is one of the first lessons I learned when I came online and a very important one.
So, getting back to my original point~ had I not had the platform of experience in realtime that I do, I am not certain that I would have been able to just jump into online play. It was difficult enough with the experience I do have. Plus, I was lucky enough to meet some wonderful ladies who provided a support system of knowledge, experience, and friendship. I was also lucky enough to gain a few loyal slaves whom are still with me to this day. I had many positive experiences and I was able to just shrug off the negative ones. Another important lesson: if it doesn’t affect your “real life” , let it go!
I view online domination/submission as second best to the real thing. It will always be a substitute.. the bridesmaid and not the bride. This is why I love mind fucking so much! In my opinion, it’s the closest a person can get to physical interaction. I crave seeing the look on a boy’s face while I’m slapping him and verbally assaulting him. This is not possible online. I’ve learned how to use the visual word as my sword vs the spoken word. I’ve learned how to use the art of ignoring in lieu of a good slap to the face. My cosmic intimacy is what binds me to my boys, now… not my physical presence, just the thought of it is enough to bring them to their knees, both literally and virtually.
So, I ask you ladies (and boys, too!) those of you that have experienced both sides of the coin~ what came first for you and how has it shaped your experiences to date? Dominants, do you find anything harder or easier? Submissives, do you feel truly satisfied with a virtual Domme if you’ve had the “real thing” ? I’m sure there are many more questions I could ask, but I’d love to have my readers just pipe in!